I am really struggling. This is the first time I have put in out there in black and white but it is what it is. This parenting gig is hard, harder than you are ever told, harder than you can ever imagine. There are days where I am so at a loss. I don't mean to pat myself on the back but I tend to be good at whatever I try, but this parenting thing, there is no scorecard. You have no way of knowing, other than intuition (which I feel is failing me at times), if you are doing the right thing.
Hannah has always been a very good kid and lately she just isn't. I don't know what to do. Yesterday her behavior was bad beyond belief and I asked her what the deal was. She told me there was something inside of her causing her to be defiant ("making me say no and do things") and she was trying to stop but couldn't. I was at a loss for words. She gave me a brief rundown of the first 10 minutes or so of when she was up (exact play by play of her and Chris' conversation, getting out of bed, going potty, talking to the dog, etc)but then said "IT" tookover. I don't know what to think. We are trying to control her diet. We do know that she is extra sensitive to caffeine and do not allow it under any circumstances. We are starting to wonder if even the slight bit of caffeine in chocolate can send her over the edge.
When she snaps out of these vicious whatever they are she is my sweet, sweet girl. She is so happy, not necessarily apologetic (I don't think she feels responsible) but definately strives to make amends. Last night she kissed my arm where I got a shot and told me that she hopes it feels better because she is sad when I hurt. Those words are words of my girl- not this kid who seems to take over and makes our lives hell for hours. She abruptly snaps out of it too. I don't know what to do. I guess the obvious would be to talk to her pediatrician, but I don't want him to run for the Ritalin. That's not the answer. In a way I don't believe in medicating children. I am sure there are instances where I would be in agreement but those would be few and far between. I feel so helpless.
No one ever told me it would be this damn hard. My heart just aches when I don't have the answers and feel like I can't help one of my girls. I love them with all of my being. I just hope its enough...
About Me
- Mandi
- Chris and I have been married since 2003. We have two babies. Hannah is 7 and Justyce is 4! We also have a furbaby named Hurley. She is 9. We love to spend time together as a family camping, fishing, and going to football games. This blog is mainly for my musings. I will probably talk about my kids from time to time, but overall it is an outlet for my neverending thoughts.
Chris and Mandi
We have been married for 7 years and love our girls to pieces. Things aren't always easy but the bumps are worth it cause we have one another.
Hannah Rie
Hannah is 6.5 and how time has flown! She has such a big heart. She is so smart and so special. She makes us better people.
Justyce Claire
JC is our "spirited" child. She is so energentic and always on the go. She gives us a run for our money everyday. She has filled a place in our hearts we didn't know was empty and is so special to all of us.
Hurley
Hurley brings so much joy and laughter to our home. We all love her in spite of her severe neurosis.
2 comments:
Amen Mandi! Parenting is so hard, hell being a grown up and having responsibilities is so hard! I think you are fabulous mother, wife and friend! Keep up the hard work!
I'm not a parent and I can't hypothesize about why kids do what they do... I'm a health educator, not a psychiatrist... but I do empathize with you and I hope things get better soon. Maybe it's just a phase. I guess this is when the mantra "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" might come in handy.
Good luck with everything. You guys sure have had your plates full with everything happening recently....
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